Today I will tell you about my journey through therapy.
You may have read my "Getting Help" blog. This blog follows on from there pretty much.
It took me 6 weeks to get a referral and a further 6 weeks to get my first appointment.
I can still clearly remember my first session. I was sat in the hospital waiting room with the cute little cat. I kept looking at the clock. My appointment was at 9:30am and it was 9:20. Those last ten minutes seemed to last a life time. I read every poster on the wall in the waiting room. Twice!
My doctor finally arrived at 9:45 with some sort of an apology for being late. She took me through the grounds of the hospital and I couldn't help but notice how pretty it all was!
I had imagined what I thought the 'therapy room' would be like. You know the type you see in movies. All leather bound books lining the walls. A great big easy chair for the doctor and a chez lounge for me. I figured it would be quite scary.
In fact, it was very different. It was a small room. The walls were white. There were two chairs. Not particularly 'easy' chairs but comfortable nonetheless. There was a table with a box of tissues and that was basically it.
She asked me to sit down and was looking over her notes. I presumed they were from my GP. I was really nervous.
She looked too young to be a doctor!
She started by reading out some questions on a form. I had to answer each one. Some of them were a bit pointless and irrelevant I thought.
There was no clock so I couldn't check the time! We had 50 minutes which was already shortened since she was late!
Once she'd filled in the form she asked me to tell her why I was there. I was a little shocked. I figured she would know why I was there. I didn't know what to say! She told me it was OK and that I was to take my time. My mind was racing. I didn't know where to begin. Then I felt myself starting to cry. She offered me the tissues and I began with my visit to the doctors. I told her everything I'd told my doctor and she was writing furiously.
By the time I had finished my time was up! I was a little disappointed! She told me we should meet again in 2 weeks time.
Then I had to go to work! That was not fun! My boss knew why I was late but nevertheless I still apologised for my lateness.
The next session we spoke about my family. I told her that my family had nothing to do with my issues but she continued anyway!
The sessions continued in pretty much the same way. She would ask me questions and I would answer. I didn't feel like I was achieving anything except opening old wounds!
Once we'd had our 12 sessions I was referred on. I was told I'd had an 'emotional instability'.
I had to go and see someone else for the next step. Another 6 weeks for the referral and 10 weeks for the appointment!!
The next part of my therapy made me angry. The doctor that I was seeing was male this time. He told me I had to go to a group session. I did not want that!! I expressed as much.
He told me that there was a new 'therapy system' that was to be implemented in 6 weeks time and that he would be in touch.
I waited 6 weeks. I waited 8 weeks. I waited 10 weeks. Nothing!! I thought about calling them to find out what was happening but I decided not to.
In all, therapy was completely useless to me!!
Some people find that it helps. I didn't. I had tried explaining that it was too difficult for me to go to work after having a session and so my doctor told me she would change it to the afternoon. That was just as bad! This time I was twiddling my thumbs all day at work as I knew what the afternoon held!
Don't be put off by this though. Some people find therapy extremely useful! I just had a bad experience and I put that down to personality.
Stay tuned for my next blog.