Friday, 29 July 2011

With friends like these... who needs enemies?!

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I hadn't realised my last blog was on Monday!!

It's been a strange week of sorts. Monday is always a bad day, it's the start of the week and no one wants to get out of bed!!

So, Amy Winehouse passed away at the weekend. It seems that this was reported all over the internet and she was being compared to the likes of Michael Jackson! I find this a little frustrating, not least because I'm a very big MJ fan but also, Amy Winehouse could not have held a candle to the talent that was and still is Michael Jackson. I don't feel bad that she died. People die every day and they don't make the news because they're not "famous" enough!! In all honesty, I don't know much about AW and her life but from what I heard she was a drug addict and had an addictive personality. Of course it's sad that she died, she was someone's daughter, someone's friend, someone's girlfriend and these people have all lost her forever, so yeah that's sad but I'm bored now of seeing the statuses, being invited to candlelight vigils (seriously!!) seeing shows on TV and reading about it wherever I read the news (papers, internet etc).

I'm also rather bored of this whole phone hacking 'scandal'! Everyone is reacting like it's a recent and 'hidden' thing!! Really?! Come on!! We've known about this for AGES! Does anyone REALLY think that we can trust the media and the papers? Not just ANY papers but the TABLOIDS!! Hello?! We cannot trust anyone in a position of power in this country! They're all corrupt b@$t@rd$!!

So back to me and my week!!

The weekend just gone as you may recall, I spent with my other half at his parent's place.
Surprisingly, I had a very nice time. I'm not sure if it was down to the Kalms or just that it was a particularly lovely afternoon!

By time we'd stuffed our stomachs with delicious food we were all exhausted! The parents moved down the garden to have a chat and soak up a little sun and the kids were tearing it up at the park. It seemed the only thing left to do was snooze!!

I'm not very good at this whole "afternoon nap" thing but when you're exhausted you just gotta give in!! As I'd already figured, I woke up feeling dizzy and disoriented and had a wonderful headache!! Getting a shower and getting ready for the evening sorted me out though!

It was back to the realities of home on Sunday and a half-snooze on the coach! Queue renewed headache and dizziness! 

I'm sure you've already read about my Monday. Lets move on to the rest of my week.

A strange thing happened on Tuesday. I woke up when my partner left for work and I couldn't go back to sleep but I didn't want to get out of bed! I signed into MSN messenger on my Blackberry and decided to chat to the world from my pit!

I had a friend request which I found a little strange as I hadn't recently swapped emails with anyone recently. Anyway, I thought nothing of it and accepted. The person's 'username' was exactly the same as a friend's username and I was a little concerned! I blocked this user and then promptly got another friend request. I recognised the face of this contact so I accepted. I said "hey" and proceeded to have a conversation. I knew I recognised the face but I couldn't for the life of me place it!! 

I had a look through some old contacts and emails and I figured it out!! This was the apparent face of my internet stalker!! I couldn't believe it!! 

I thought I'd finally got shot of this bitch!! I was mulling things over when something occurred to me. What if those two friend requests were the same person? What if the person who had actually set up both of these accounts were not actually my stalker but someone pretending to be my stalker?! But why?! 

It didn't take me long to figure out who this person actually was!  It turns out it was one of my BEST friends!! I asked a few questions that I knew only one person would know the answer to. He played right into my hands!! 

I was absolutely furious!! I couldn't believe someone who I'd considered a close friend and who KNOWS what I went through with my stalker would do something like this to me!! 

I signed out of MSN and went to get out my computer. I got onto Facebook as I knew he 'liked' my statuses quite regularly. I ranted that someone was trying to fuck with me and I knew who they were. He didn't say anything. I tried a different tactic. I then posted "People who try to screw with other people's lives ought to be a little more careful. I know who you are and if you don't fess up I'm going to the police". Still no response. I signed back into MSN and my "friend" messaged me saying "Hey, how do you know who it is?" and I just told him that "you can't bullshit a bullshitter and I'm the biggest one I know!" He laughed and went quiet. I was fuming!! I knew it was him, he OBVIOUSLY knew it was him and he wasn't prepared to give himself up!! 

Had he fessed up right there and then I may have been able to forgive him. Of course, I would have been pissed given the insensitivity of what he'd done but he simply didn't have the balls!! 

This was what he said about the whole thing:

  • Right it was onli meant 2 start as a joke, but it got out of hand! I shouldn't av done it and I no I was so wrong! I onli meant 2 just play about and not hurt anyone! U no I don't wanna mess anything up between us now were friends again, I was so stupid 2 do this and Im am so very sorry, I never meant any harm or hurt and I didn't think I would take it so far! Again I am so sorry that I did this and I onli meant it 2 b a little funny, until I went 2 far!


  • What am I supposed to do now?! What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to trust ANYONE?!

    I now have a feeling that HE was behind this "stalking"!! 

    I have trust issues anyway, that's part of who I am but when someone completely takes the piss like that it shakes me to the very core!! 

I mean, do people REALLY do that?! Do people actually LIE about having mental illnesses?! I mean, yes I know that people exaggerate like the "friend" from college who claimed to be depressed but to outright LIE!! He would know for a fact that I wouldn't think him a freak. Not least because I have my own mental issues!! 

If anyone has been betrayed before you may have a slight idea as to how this may feel but this is something that not only has contributed to and exacerbated my Bipolar Disorder but it has rocked the foundations of my relationship too! This 'So Called Friend' knew how bad I felt about being stalked and harassed and was often the shoulder I'd cry on!

What would honestly drive someone to be so twisted?!

So the rest of Tuesday passed by in a bit of a blur really! I felt so hurt and confused by everything and I felt like I'd been hit by a high speed train! I hardly slept that night.

I had to buck my ideas up for Wednesday as I'd organised a photoshoot with some new friends. Of course, I plastered on a smile and carried on as if things had never happened!!

Wednesday night I had the most horrific nightmares!! I guess that would be a combination of stress and alcohol!

Thursday passed me by in a tired and grumpy blur! I didn't do much and tried not to think much.

Today I was back at work. I like to get back to work and out and about. I feel human again. Even though my job can be stressful I love it and I seem to be very 'well' when I'm working.

I also went to the doctors today (small whoop) to pick up some registration forms!! It's not a lot but it's a start!! 

I'm now kind of over the whole issue on Tuesday (blogging it helps). It hurts like hell, of course it does but there's no point in getting angry about it because that will just fester away and rear it's ugly head again! 

I'm feeling like I'm the right way up again now and dwelling on things will only shake me again and I don't want to be in that position!! 

So that was my week! How was yours?! 

Keep Smiling :(: 

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