Saturday, 3 September 2011

Damned if you do, damned if you don't!!

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What is it with our society? Why does everyone WANT to be the same as the last person?

I like to try and keep up with current events, I read news feeds and such (NOT tabloids!) and occasionally I watch the news when I can stomach it and I get very bored of all of the conformity! 





Who wants to be a sheep?! 

Why must we all dress alike? Why must we like the same things? Want the same things? I'm not religious or anything (well, not usually) but doesn't it say somewhere in the ten commandments that you shouldn't want what your neighbour has?! 

I often have this image in my head of the "fashion industry". It is run by a bunch of people who believe they are superior. Each month, the group has a task to come up with the most hideous, heinous article of clothing they can then they all come together and compare. The 'worst' one goes out to the public! Time after time, the 'big cheese' is saying "There's no way anyone will wear this" but put it on a 'celebrity' and within a week people will be busting the doors down of every clothing store trying to get a version of said article! 

I like to think of myself as the 'rule' rather than the 'exception'. I'm not purposefully rebellious nor will I go out of my own way to fit in!! I just like to be me and if occasionally that is 'fashionable' then so be it! I'll be a wolf in sheep's clothing! 

As a kid, this got me beaten black and blue! 

I was raised with my brothers and sisters by my mum alone. I had the common sense to not want all the latest 'trends' the most 'fashionable' uniform and so on. I knew full well that my mum couldn't afford to kit 5 of us out in Nike, Adidas, Reebok, Umbro and whatever else people were wearing! I was happy with my Donnay and Kappa. It did the same job but cost a fraction of the price!! I was pretty switched on as a kid. I wasn't blind to the things I didn't want to see. I've always had what some people would consider a skewed view of the world; it is what it is and no matter how you try to 'bling it up', it will remain the same!! 

I'm quite horrified I found a 'blinged' version of this phrase but how apt?! 

These days, I just wear what I feel comfortable in, more often than not it is simply jeans and a t shirt. When it gets warmer I will wear hotpants with the obligatory tights or leggings under (for obvious reasons) thus becoming a "typical student"! 

The same with make-up. I don't often wear make-up. Despite my numerous insecurities, I actually think I'm not that bad looking!! I will, however, wear some make-up if I wake in the morning and feel utter crap as I am an expert at knowing that if you look great on the outside it hides a multitude of feelings on the inside!! The other time I wear make-up is on a night out. I don't actually need to wear that much make-up. I have very good skin (usually) and I'm not pale or pasty so I will wear a little foundation (usually to hide the shininess of my T zone) and eye make-up. I like my eyes and so I like to accentuate them. I do this usually by wearing a few layers of mascara or false lashes and heavily defined eye-liner. I guess it's the "smokey eyes" look. Now, I've favoured this look since I was about 17. I never wore make-up as a kid. However, suddenly all the 'celebrities' have started favouring the look and I look like I'm trying to be that "sheep" again!! PUH-LEASE!! They stole it from me!! 

When it comes to illness, I'm just the same! If I feel it is THAT desperate then I will, with a shove, go to the doctors. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I detest doctors. It's not their fault (mostly) it's just how I feel about them. Hospitals and dentists too! Dentists mostly in fact! The whole latex gloves in my mouth, stinky sterile surgery and whatnot! 

I was happy to continue to live as I was before Thursday, coping with my Bipolar Disorder, surviving day to day and not planning too far ahead but no, that wasn't satisfactory! I was pushed into going to the doctors, considering the medication, therapy and all the bullshit that comes with it and now look at me! The psychiatrist says I'm NOT Bipolar, that I don't even have depression... just sadness...! 

That's swell doc but what about those things that it says in that there Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (which I happen to own a copy of!)?

Ok, so I answer YES to that first question...! 

Hmm... "One or more major depressive episode?! Yep! 

Then there was that online test thingy that I did:

I know that, of course, one can never fully rely on these online diagnoses but I would say that all of this combined is pretty conclusive no? 

I could go in to detail on each point but I feel this blog will be long enough already!! 

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I WANT to be Bipolar! On the contrary, I'd rather not have a debilitating mental disorder thank you very much, but now I have this "new" diagnosis I may well have to re-assess my entire life!! 

When it comes to medication, I'd rather not take it. Be it for a headache, stomach upset, Bipolar Disorder... I don't like to take medications.  I have been back and forth with this with a number of people via my Facebook page and I have to say, I was quite shocked by a lot of the responses. People were telling me I was taking my life into my own hands... Well, I'd rather it be in my own hands than in the hands of a pill pushing doctor! Another person said to me "If you had cancer would you refuse drugs?" Are you serious?! Cancer?! That is a ridiculous and irrelevant question! Most people will know that with the right diet and plenty of water, most illnesses will just go away on their own!!  We don't get a headache due to the lack of paracetamol in our bodies so why treat a headache with such?

I had fully intended on going to university this year. I'm actually due to start in a couple of weeks. With this in mind and knowing how I was this past year in college, I know I would need the maximum amount of support afforded to someone with a mental illness. Of course, the university require proof of this. Now that I no longer have that proof, I am entitled to nada, zero, zilch! Thanks doc!

So now, what was a little difficult and stressful over the past nine months is very likely to render me a gibbering wreck once my three years are up! Wonderful! 

Hopefully, I can see another psychiatrist and when I do, I will take along the evidence I have and I will write a letter to avoid the emotional turmoil I experience every time I talk about my life!

The other thing that ticks me off when it comes to conformity is people's perceptions of relationships. As you may already be aware, I have a long-term partner who I have been with for a number of years.

We have, what some people would term an "unconventional" relationship. We're not strictly monogamous.

I can already hear the gasps and the thud of someone fainting! 

Mammals (which is what we are) are simply not programmed to be monogamous! 

That's not to say that I am unfaithful! Quite the opposite!! I love my partner more than anything and I have no desire to share my life with anyone else but when it comes to sex, I have many desires. Some my partner cannot satisfy and I know that he is the same!

Who here can HONESTLY say that they have never wantingly looked at another person of the opposite sex? Those who say they never have are LIARS! Plain and simple!! It is perfectly natural to want things we can't have! It is also perfectly natural to want a car that's slightly faster, slightly shinier, a little flashier... the same goes for partners!! 

The problem with all of these things is, if you don't conform, you're a troublemaker, a rebel, a non-conformist. Yet those of you who do conform, you're a wannabe, a copycat, unoriginal...

So, to that end, stop following the 'trend' and just BE YOURSELF!! 

Keep Smiling :):

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