Thursday, 20 October 2011

What becomes of the broken hearted?

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In the summer of 1966 Jimmy Ruffin sang:

As I walk this land of broken dreams,
I have visions of many things.
Love's happiness is just an illusion,
Filled with sadness and confusion.

This is how I feel at the moment.  I recently split with my long term partner and I feel very sad and confused.

When it happened, I have to say I felt the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I felt that life could not get any worse and I wanted to die. I took myself off to the park opposite where I live and I walked down to the lake. I had a bottle of vodka and a knife. I imagined myself lay in the lake, drunk from the vodka, my wrists bleeding and I would slowly drown or freeze to death but one person saved me that night. She is my absolute best friend in the world and she may not even realised that she saved my life.

My friends and family have been so very supportive and I cannot thank them enough. A combination of them helping me and working and going to university have kept me going though.

Winston churchill once said "if you're going through hell, keep going". I'm going through hell right now and I'm going to keep going, hard as it might prove to be.

Everyone says that things happen for a reason and this is so very true.

In the same song, Jimmy also sang:

I know I've got to find,
Some kind of peace of mind,
I'll be searching everywhere,
Just to find someone to care.
I'll be looking everyday,
I know I'm gonna find a way.
Nothings gonna stop me now,
I'll find a way somehow.
I'll be searching everywhere...

I hope that I can reach that place some day. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or even next year but some day.

One day my heart will heal and I'll be able to smile again and mean it. But for now, Keep Smiling for me.  


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