Saturday, 12 November 2011

Hello Mania my old friend!

Blog starts here



So I got manic this week. It's been a long time since I've felt manic. It was kind of nice but scary at the same time. 


I got the usual feelings of euphoria, feeling like I'm amazing, the best thing ever, feeling totally 110% happy. I decided to use it to my advantage for once and I wrote a letter for my psychiatrist. The only thing is, not only did writing it manage to bring me down from my manic high, when I re-read it I felt it was a one way ticket to Crazyville!! 




One of my friends and one member of my family have also written letters for me. I asked the ex and I'm still waiting for a decent response! I also asked another ex, the guy who first convinced me I needed therapy and he said "I don't know what good it would do, you were always fine when you were with me" Well thanks GENIUS! Why did you recommend I go to therapy in the first place then! 

You know, it's true that when you have a break down it is a sure fire way to find out who your true friends are!! 

The night I got my heart trashed I was on the phone to one of my greatest friends, I was crying my eyes out and I wanted to die. She saved me, she saved my life. 


The following weekend I went home, he was going to a friend's birthday and seemed to have no regards as to how dangerous it would have been to actually leave me alone...! A friend back at home rescued me too. She's a very special friend and I'm not sure she realises quite how special she is.  When we first met, I'll admit, I didn't like her! I thought she was a stuck up cow! Of course, this was jealousy given that she was my boyfriend's best friend but I didn't like her! After the relationship broke down, she stayed friends with me. I wasn't too sure why as I don't think I'd ever been particularly nice to her! She showed me a good time on the Saturday night and I felt like she genuinely wanted me there and she hadn't just invited me out of pity. I know at some point she will read this blog and she already knows that I love her but I want to still extend a high five her way!! *CLICK* 


So anyway, now that I'm "over" my mania I'm not sure what I want to do with the letter I wrote! It was hard to write and even harder to read back and realise what kind of person I truly am!! 

I kind of got knocked of my 'pedestal' with my last blog as someone told me that my blog is likely to cause people to kill themselves so please, allow me just to point something out:

YES, I AM A CUTTER AND TO ME IT IS THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF MY PROBLEMS - HOWEVER, IF I AM TALKING TO SOMEONE AT RISK OF CUTTING I WOULD ALWAYS SUGGEST ALTERNATIVES! 

To that end, if YOU think my blog makes people want to kill themselves then DON'T READ IT! I write it for ME and NO ONE ELSE! 

Keep Smiling :(:


2 comments:

  1. Quite frankly I think what that "normal" said was an extremely inappropriate response to your last blog. For me being hypomanic has it's advantages I can assure you. With the hyper writing sometimes it is indistinguishable from literate and babbling, but I'm sure they they said the same to Charles Bukowski,Frederick Nietsche, Virginia Woolfe, Sylvia Plathe, and Emily Dickinson just to name a few...that's why I continue to write I didn't get a degree in English for my health. I find that if I write that maybe 5 pieces out of 10 will be distinguishable to the "normals".

    I admire the fact that you can deal with depression obviously better than I can, mania is my friend it doesn't scare me anymore. Depression scares me it takes me to depths that I don't care to go and it swallows me a whole and it throws me off. Mania gives me my creativity as long as I can keep it right here.

    Hang in there kid...you're fabulous you give me inspiration to write and want to help. Even if it is just me right now. I like me and my friend here they've hobbled along with me for a while now even as my crutch...

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  2. Love you Lady! We all had a fantastic time when you were out with us. Stay strong <3

    High-five *click*

    xoxoxox

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