WARNING: CONTAINS CONTENT ABOUT AND IMAGES OF SELF HARM
Sorry that I haven't been around much but I have been taking a step back from things for a while to smooth my life over. I have also moved house since my last blog and become another year older. I also celebrated another year of living in London!
I hope everyone enjoyed the festive season. I tend to struggle with Christmas.
I think that a lot of people find the Winter months particularly distressing what with the weather and all but for me, it's specifically Christmas time.
It's difficult for me to imagine a 'perfect Christmas'. In fact, I doubt such a thing even exists.
It's really difficult to explain why I find Christmas so difficult. It's not like I've always had awful Christmas holidays. They've not exactly been the best, especially throughout my childhood, but they've given me some fond memories to say the least!
Anyway, there is a particularly distressing issue that has come to light and I wanted to talk about it.
Who has heard about the "cut4justin, cut4bieber" 'campaign'? It seems this was some sort of hoax created on 4Chan encouraging "Beliebers" to self harm in order to stop Justin Bieber from smoking cannabis. Now, I'm all for campaigns and whatnot and I believe that people who are supposed to be role models to the youth of today ought to take into consideration what their actions that are caught in the media might do to those who look up to them but this is TOO FAR!
Self harm/self injury is a very serious sickness and people using it as a 'joke' to troll the internet with need some serious help!
I have seen many Twitter posts about this 'trend' and there are several groups on Facebook dedicated to the subject.
It is difficult to know where to lay the blame for this really. Justin Bieber is his own person and ought to be able to smoke cannabis if he pleases. However, if he wishes to be a role model then he ought to do these things behind closed doors! Whoever is responsible for the hoax to start with should be very ashamed of themselves. Yes it may well have been a joke but young people can be incredibly impressionable and may end up self harming or worse. Furthermore, regular Twitter users who happen to self harm could well be triggered by seeing these images floating around. I have to admit, some of them were incredibly graphic! Others, not so much!!
I don't believe in censorship of the internet because I believe in free speech but I find all of this quite disturbing!
Another thing that caught my attention this week was the story about depression in footballers. I'm not so sure where I stand on this. Depression is rife the whole world over however, most people hide it well and never have it diagnosed. I wrote a blog in December in relation to the suicide of Gary Speed. A lot of people have hit out over this report with comments such as; "Oh yes, I earn £100,000 a week. Why wouldn't I be depressed" and so on. Let me just say this; money has nothing to do with it. People WITH money can be just as depressed as those without. In fact, it could be argued that they may suffer worse.
Surely everyone has heard that Beatles song? "I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love"? This is very true. Money cannot buy you love. Yes it may give you financial security, everything you have ever wanted in life but it truly cannot but you love and even if you WERE in a loving relationship with someone who says they are not with you for your money, how can you be sure?
You could be richer than Midas but miserable as sin if you don't have the love of people to support you.
Today I am 49 days cut free. I managed to make it to to 45 but the day after my birthday I slipped and went back to the beginning. I had very severe withdrawal which included hallucinations both auditory and visual. At the moment, I am seemingly stable aside from the lack of sleep and I am hoping that things continue in that way. My scars seem to be healing nicely as you can see and as well as my tattoo that I want to get when I reach 6 months, my Aunty's husband has promised he will take me to a Liverpool/Everton derby game at Anfield!!
I gave up on quitting smoking for the time being as I feel I may have been trying too much! The next issue I need to tackle is my weight. I am currently around 75kg and when I look at myself in the mirror I very much dislike what I see. It's not that I want to lose weight as such, I just need to tone up several problem areas such as my stomach!
I used to have an hourglass figure which disappeared over the years due to sheer laziness and I have been back and forth with my weight for about 7 years. My previous long term partner made me feel very self conscious about my weight and at one point I became so obsessed I was going to the gym 6 days a week for 3 hours a day!!
I am still looking for people to add to my True Life Stories section as well as my Other Blogs section so if you have anything to add here then give me a shout in the usual manner!
I will try and get back to more regular blogging soon but until next time,
Keep Smiling :):