Sunday, 9 June 2013

6 months + 2 years! (EDITED)


I had to re-write this blog.

Recently I got to 6 months cut free. It was a goal I'd set myself and one I was very proud to have achieved. However, recently I relapsed.

I felt bitterly disappointed in myself. I had worked so hard, struggled so much and then I threw it all away.

On 6 June, it was the two year anniversary of my blog! 


I remember when I first started writing it. I didn't think I would keep it up for 2 weeks let alone 2 years!! 

Life is a funny old thing sometimes. You think things are going great, you feel happy, you're very focussed then BAM! Something comes along and ruins everything!! That's what's going on with me at the moment. 

I'm feeling VERY sorry for myself of late. So much has gone on recently that I don't even know what to write about. 

I am planning to go back to the doctors and get myself put back onto medication.

In the meantime, I would recommend some books for self harmers and those who know and care about someone who self harms and wants to help them:

To that end, this is all I am going to write for now. Hopefully when I am feeling better I will be able to write something a little more interesting!!


Ok, so I'm feeling a little more like writing right now. 

In recent news you may or may not have heard the recent revelation of Stephen Fry's suicide attempt in 2012. 

I am always most grateful for people like Fry making his plight public. He is an incredibly brave man and has helped me a lot without even knowing it!!  I read a lot of his stuff on his Twitter  and I have to say, I am astounded by the way people treat another human being, more so when they have not even met him! His lifestyle, sexuality, mental state and all of his private doings have nothing to do with us as individuals but when he does speak out, he does not do it for attention, he does it to let people know, IT'S OK to be different. Whether that be sexually, mentally or in any other manner. 

Of course, I don't know the man personally, I would LOVE to but I don't. I am simply saying what I see from the things he says on Twitter. Perhaps I have it all wrong, perhaps Stephen Fry is an absolute media whore and does all of this for attention but I strongly doubt it! Sufferers of mental health conditions are not known for wanting attention! 

Mental illness is no laughing matter. It is a very serious illness and it is about time people stopped being so ignorant! You wouldn't ask a cancer patient what they have to be cancerous about, you would not ask a diabetic what they have to be diabetic about so why do people seem to think it's ok to ask depressed people what they have to be depressed about?! 

Another story I read recently that saddened me was that of Joshua Unsworth. He was a 15 year old boy who was 'bullied to death' by internet "trolls".  Bullying is another phenomenon that I fail to understand. I have experienced bullying personally and I cannot express how painful it is to be bullied. I grew up thinking I was 'stupid' 'ugly' 'pathetic' 'worthless' that I would 'amount to nothing'. I have to say, an individual rarely forgets things that are said to them as children, especially when these things are repeated by everyone around them.

Not enough is done in schools to combat bullying. A lot of the time it goes unnoticed as the child is too ashamed to talk about it. Much the same as self injury.

I have recently decided to undertake my final year project in relation to self injury. My supervisor was reasonably concerned given my own history with self injury however, I have assured her that it will not be a trigger for me as I will have no direct contact with sufferers. 

That being said, recent events that have happened in my life have triggered me into relapse. I have embraced this. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I made it to 6 months and I can get there again. This time it might just be a little harder. 

Keep Smiling :(: