Monday, 13 February 2017

Manic Post

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Here is a post I wanted to share from December 2016. I wrote this blog in the throes of mania. We all know how this goes. It's probably not particularly coherent and most likely requires a trigger warning. I haven't read it back so I've no idea how good/bad it is and as per manic posting, I have kept it written as it was. No corrections.


17/12/2016

So, it's almost 7am. I'm manic to fuck. I want to do all of the things at the same time and never stop for anything. Ever.
Of course, that is simply not possible... "Yet" her manic brain says... Shh manic brain! We are having a moment!
So, I've been feeling really bummed out lately. Nothing matters. No one cares. Everyone dies eventually... I'm sure you know the drill. 
I tried reaching out. No one is up at crazy hours or if they are they simply can't deal, My boyfriend was tired, I get it. He also can't deal. I tried talking to myself but holy crap on a cracker do I drive me crazy!!
So, what did I do I hear you ask. You got us all ramped up now get it over with! Ok, here goes:
All my life something had been missing or just not quite right. I don't know what it is but I am hoping some day I will find it. I am a helpy helper. I can't stop. It's what I do. So sometimes, especially when in the grips of mania (there is where the ego resides!!!) I trawl the internet. The dingy dark corners of chatrooms. Forum. Comments sections. Apps. I want to save lives. I can save lives. I have saved lives. Truth. Sometimes I work as part of the Black Dog Brigade (can I copyri2ghr that please?!). Sometimes I act alone. Shrouded in mystery via pseudonyms. In those aforementioned monstrosities and most recentlt, via the app Whisper. 
Now, those of you who know me know that I am passionate as all hell about things that I care about. I can't help it. Most of my life consists of "fuck that shit" or "oh my word this is everything forever and everyone must know about it immediately, invasively and in a potentially manic IKNOWISHOULDSTOPIKNOWISHOULDSLEEPIKNOWTHWWORLDWILLSTILLNEEDSAVINGTOMORROWSOITWAIT kind of way. Not unlike this. 
You may know one thing I am more passionate about than absolutely any single thing that ever did exist or ever will exist is writing. You may also know that lately I have suffered writers block on top of existential crises etc. So imagine my sheer delight when someone posted via Whisper a question to me asking how one can identify as one gender. Two genders. All genders. No genders etc. 
We believe in penis = man/boy/male/masculine etc and vagina = woman/girl/female etc because it's easier. People will (terrifyingly) bow to a consensus so as not to be eliminated from a peer group.Look up Asch or Groupthink on Google. It's psychological conditioning. One that gets me in an absolute tail spin in a regular basis is the Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain at Piccadilly Circus. If you are not familiar with it, Google it. It is "affectionately" known as the Eros statue. Literature, tour guides, maps, signage all refer to it as Eros. Does that mean it IS Eros? Everyone says so... 
NO! Nothing has truth or meaning to you until you get out there and find it! If you know your Greek Mythology like I do you will know that the statue is, in fact Anteros. The brother of Eros. This truth confirmed by the sculptor himself! Now who do you believe?
People seem to be of the idea that gender dysphoria, trans- gender, sexual, vestite, homosexuality etc are new things. They're not. Really not! It's just now we have people who are willing to stand up and say "hey I was born in the wrong body" or "hey I like a person who has the same reproductive organs as me" or "hey, my body is ok but I want to dress it more like XYZ" whatever. They have better platforms now. Insane amounts of media options (which we know are not always correct and true) People are literally risking their lives on a daily basis so that we can be honest and true to ourselves. If you're one of the above, great. If you're all of fhe above, great. If you're none of the above, great!
You're a human being. I'm a human being. Some humans are capable of changing the world. Does it matter how a person identifies if they find the cure for cancer? Would peace be any less peaceful if it was instigated by a queer person? Would poverty return if it was ended bya person of colour? Of course not! 
We all bleed red. Don't be a sheep. Don't follow the crowd. If you think something is wrong, question it! If no one will give you an answer, the power of the internet is at your fingertips. The internet is not 100% accurate but it can get you pretty close. If you're still not sure, use your library resources before they are destroyed for a "boutique cafe". If you were right, good for you. Now go spread the word in a kindly manner. If you were wrong, it happens. You learn something new and your world will expand. Maybe only a tiny bit in the first instance but spread that truth and you will gain infinite possibilities. Some good. Some bad. Try to be good. That is it. That is literally absolutely all there is to it!!

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